words from kioku--
I was able to type this out last night in my bed while watching Friends Season 1 Disk 3 ^_^ Hope you like it XD I'll try to update on my other fics today as well :) It's back to Jaejoong's POV~ oh and the hotel thing actually happened in japan to me and a friend...



Chapter 4 -- Reuniting Kiss

After I left the others, I felt my heart ache. It demanded that I walk right back through that door and make up with them all. But I couldn’t do such a thing. I needed to be stronger than that for their sakes. If I were to go back, then it would only cause trouble. Whenever Yunho and I can’t see eye to eye, it troubles the members more than anything. I never want them to be in pain. It was better if they hated me, and only me.

I thought of home. If we were in Korea, I could easily just go to one of my friend’s house. But I was far away from anyone I knew. I found a stingy hotel and walked inside. They gave me a room. It didn’t matter to me what it looked like. As long as I had a place to rest my head down, it was perfect.

I got into the elevator to bring me to my room. The way it creaked, I thought for sure that it would break at any second. But I made it safely to the top. The doors opened and I slowly walked out, unsure about everything. The metal doors came crashing down onto my foot that was left behind. I cursed the doors that had only a thin layer of rubber. It limped to my room in utter pain and opened room 207.

I had to put my key inside a little slot for the lights to work. When the lights came on, I grimaced. The bed was really small and only had a couple of sheets. The window had a lovely view of a broken down building, and there was a small desk with a broken TV on it. I looked at the tiny bathroom and saw a shower, toilet and sink all cramped in.

With nothing to do, I sat down on the hard bed and thought of the day to come. How was I going to face the other members? I knew that they would be mad at me. I said horrible things to them. Maybe they wouldn’t even want me to come back. If it weren’t for my contract, I would have stuck to that thought and never returned. But it was my obligation to go back to them.

I lay down and somehow I fell asleep. My dreams were plagued with Yunho as they were every other night. I couldn’t erase his smiling face from the past. It even made me smiling thinking about everything.


I woke up early the next morning. I knew that I had to be on set for a photo shoot at ten, so I gave myself an hour to get ready. I walked out of the hotel with my small suitcase and made my way to the shooting location not too far from where I was. I had to ask some locals how to get there.

When I found the place, I saw four familiar faces getting ready. I took a deep breath and walked inside. I couldn’t believe the greeting I got. Junsu smiled and hugged me, telling me that he missed me. Yoochun hugged me as well without any words. Changmin expressed his worry that I wouldn’t come back. I looked at Yunho waiting for something, but he remained silent and cold towards me. I smiled to myself, as long as we weren’t going to fight again, I would be happy.

The shoot went by smoothly and we were mostly a happy group once more. Yunho and I didn’t speak to each other, but it was for the best. The members were sad about us being distant with each other, but they were grateful that we could be next to one another without it being World War III.

When we got back to our new apartment, the younger members went to play on the computer while Yunho watched TV. I sat down on the couch beside him and I could feel him tense up beside me. We remained in silence for a while, until Yunho decided to break it.

“Where did you go?”

“Some hotel.”

“I don’t want you to do that again. If anything happened to you, it would be my fault for not stopping you.”

“Fine, I won’t leave again. I would hate to burden you more.”

“I missed you,” he confessed. I turned to him in confusion. I never expected him to say such a thing. “I was worried that you wouldn’t come back.”

“Of course I would come back. I still have a contract.”

“So you came back because of your contract.”

“Why else would I come back? When I left, you all disliked me. How come they aren’t still mad at me?”

“Because I told them your plan.”

“My plan?”

“You tried your best to get me in their good graces. You tried to make them mad with you. I know you well enough to know what you were doing. I know that you would never say such things to the members.”

“How sure are you about that?”

“One hundred percent.”

He leaned over and kissed me. My eyes widened as his closed. I should have pulled away in an instant, but I couldn’t help myself. I was consumed in the moment. Yunho was the one to pull away first. He stared deep into my eyes.

“Why did you do that?” I asked in a soft voice.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me."

I stared at him in more confusion. It didn’t make sense why he would kiss me. As far as I knew, he had no interest in me what-so-ever. Wanting more, I leaned back towards him and was about to kiss him, but he held me back.

“Please don’t do that.”

“So you’re allowed to kiss me, but I’m not?”

“It’s not like that. I just had clouded judgement. I will not have it happen again.”

“Using your leadership power once more to overrule me? You can’t control me like some child. I don’t have to follow your orders.”

“As long as you are a part of this band, you will do as I say.”

“I’m older than you.”

“I don’t care, I’m leader. Besides, one month older doesn’t make you ruler of all.”

“I know that. I still won’t have you ordering me around like some dog.”

“Maybe that’s the only I way I can treat you. You run away and then you disobey. You really are no more than a dog.”

I punched him right in the nose. “Do not call me a dog.” Yunho wiped his nose as a bit of blood leaked through his nostril. He sniffed slightly then jumped on me. He pinned me against the cushion. “Let me go!” I yelled as I struggled against him.

“Why do you have to make everything so fucking complicating?” he seethed at me.

“You’re the one who kissed me first!”

“If you had never opened you big mouth in the first place, none of this would have happened! What were you hoping for? Did you actually think that I would throw everything away just for you? Did you think that I would purposely make myself a mockery? I would never want to be a disgrace to anyone.”

“I guess that’s the difference between us. I was ready to get rid of it all for you. I was ready to take on the world if that meant I could be with you.” I could feel tears burning in my eyes. I refused to blink so my tears would remain with me.

He let go of me and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I sat up and glared at him, while he could only look down at his knees. “Stop saying things like that. Please stop... It only makes things harder...”

“Harder for whom exactly?” I asked. I didn’t bother waiting for a reply as I stood up and walked to my bedroom. I refused to let myself be taken in by his sorrowful eyes. He will never have me feeling remorse for him

“Hyung,” Junsu’s voice came from the end of the hall. “Are you going to stay with us?”

“Of course I am Junsu. I apologize for what I said earlier.”

“It’s alright hyung. Did you and Yunho make-up somewhat?” he asked hopefully.

“Not at all.” I didn’t bother being sentimental about it. I just wanted to be alone for that moment. I sat down on my bed, leaving Junsu in the hallway.

“You can’t escape us when you live here, you know,” Yoochun said from his side of the room.

I smiled and shook my head. I should have known better than to think that I would be alone somewhere. “I thought you were playing games with the others.”

“I was but I got thirsty. I kind overheard your fight with Yunho and saw the lip-lock. Computer games didn’t really interest me after that.”

“You two kissed?!” Junsu yelled out as he came into the room.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “If you call being pinned to the coach and having someone forces themselves onto you, then yeah, that was a kiss.”

“Yunho did that?” he asked in disbelief. “I never thought that he would... He really does feel the same...”

“Do you have a problem with all of this Junsu?” I was worried for my dongsaeng. I knew his beliefs were very important to him.

“I do have a problem with it, hyung. I can handle the thought of your liking him and him liking you, but I don’t want you two to be doing such sinful things in this place. Please respect my wish?”

“I can respect it no problem Su-ah, tell Yunho what you want. He’s the one who apparently can’t control such things.”

“I’ll talk to him.” I knew that was the end of our discussion. “Thank you.”

I smiled slightly and lied down on my bed. The two younger members watched over me as I tried to fall asleep after this troublesome day. Sure it was early in the evening, but I needed to sleep. I felt completely exhausted for some reason.


It was two months before we were allowed to go home. Once again, Yunho disappeared in the morning of our flight and showed up just in time to go to the airport. I wanted to question him as usual, but I knew I held no right to ask such a thing.

I watched over Yunho as he fell asleep on the plane. I already covered his face before his regular sleeping antics took over. I smiled at the peaceful man beside me. I wish that he would always remain this calm. He would never yell, never get mad, and could never hurt me. I knew that wish could never come true.


We were back in Japan before the month was over. It was painful to fly so much, but we were told that it would only get worse for the following months. I looked over at Yunho as we were informed on all the flights we would be taking. His face had fallen and he looked defeated.

The morning we were scheduled to go back to Korea once again, I decided to stay awake all night. When I heard some movement in the early hours of the morning, I knew that Yunho was going somewhere. I snuck outside and saw him get into a black car. I got into the other vehicle we all shared in Japan and followed behind him discretely.

We arrived at a doctor office and I wondered what on earth Yunho would be here for. After Yunho had gotten in, I asked his doctor what was wrong with him. He recognized me as his band mate and trusted me. He told me that he had to have a shot taken before he could ever go on a plan ride.

He didn’t really tell me in full details, but I knew that it couldn’t be good. Apparently, Yunho had an extensive medical history he neglected to tell us. I was amazed Yunho was still alive with all the things that had happened to him.


When Yunho got out, he saw me waiting by the entrance for him. His eyes widened instantly at the sight of me. Surely, I was the last person he was hoping to see.

“What are you doing here?”

“Finally finding out where you go all the time. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“You didn’t need to know.”

“’Didn’t need to know’?! Yunho, of course we need to know these things!”

“How’s anything going to change now that you know? You should’ve just stayed away and kept to your own business.”

“The group’s leader’s business is all of our business.”

“No it’s not. I don’t want you telling any of them. I don’t want any of them to worry about me. I need to take care of them, not the other way around.”

“And who’s going to take care of you?”

He remained silent and simply walked by me hanging his head.

“Why won’t you let me take care of you?”

I hated myself for asking that, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to take care of him so much.

“I don’t need you. Take care of yourself. Mind your own business.”

His words left me crushed as he got into his vehicle. I slowly made my way to the other one and we both drove home. The members were waiting for us and instantly asked where were. Yunho told them that we were both called away for some early radio show recording before they left. They bought his story and we left to Korea.

Yunho had fallen asleep and I took it upon myself to cover him up as usual. I knew he told me to only worry about myself, but I couldn’t help but take care of him. I loved him so much and still do.