words from kioku--
sweet! finished another chapter!! Hope you all like how it turns out :)
The boss is back next chapter....



Chapter 11- Sick

Junsu was shocked at Jaejoong's action, but fell into the kiss. He knew that Jaejoong was only doing this because he was hurt. If his friend needed him like this, he would be there for him. It may hurt him after their kisses, but Junsu abandonning him would rip his heart out.

They continued kissing for several minutes, until Jaejoong separated for a second to pull off his shirt and Junsu's. He returned to Junsu's lips with so much passion that he couldn't control his emotions anymore. He pulled Junsu closer, until he had no choice but to climb over-top of Jaejoong on the bed.

Junsu let his hands wander around Jaejoong's sculpted body. Every muscle intrigued him more to his body- he wanted to taste it. He stopped kissing Jaejoong's mouth and slowly moved down his neckline, leaving a wet trail in it's wake. Jaejoong moaned a little as Junsu sucked gentle on his left nipple, moving to the other.

Junsu continued his path down-wards until he reached the edge of Jaejoong's pants. He tongued the skin revealed to him before he unzipped Jaejoong's pants. He pulled down his pants completely, accompanied with his boxers. Junsu licked softly the flesh that had emerged to his stiff as a rock. Junsu rather liked being a tease as Jaejoong urged him to move harder and take all of him. He followed his friend's orders soon enough and swallowed all there was of Jaejoong.

Jaejoong voiced his moans more. He didn't care if everyone in the house knew what was going on. If anything, he wanted them to know. Junsu kept bobbing his head to no end. He want to taste every little bit of Jaejoong. He had only expected a kiss and then it would stop. This was nothing he had planned. Was he upset? Of course not, he had Jaejoong beneath him, in his mouth. It was Yunho's own fault for not claiming him. Then why was he feeling guilty?

“Jaejoong...” He whispered out to the panting man beneath him as he let go of Jaejoong's member.

“Please... don't stop...” Jaejoong forced out between his intakes of air.

“It will only hurt you more.”

“Hurt?... What can... hurt me now? Nothing can hurt... an empty shell...”

“Jae, I'm sorry Yunho couldn't accept you, but I can't do this anymore. Even if I want to, I just can't.” Junsu stood up away from Jaejoong.

“You're abandoning me too?”

“No Jaejoong-” But Jaejoong had already grabbed his clothes and ran into his proper room. “Jaejoong...” He whispered to the silence of the room.

Jaejoong ran straight to his room and fell onto Yunho's bed. Instant tears came over his eyes. He had put Junsu in such an awkward position. He could only think of what Junsu thought of him now. Probably as a person who would do it with anyone at anytime. As a profession, it truly was what he used to do. Maybe Junsu now just believed what Jaejoong really was- a whore.

The word 'whore' rang out in his head. Memories of his mother came to him and his tears increased. He could feel her pain. She loved someone so much and had to give them up. Jaejoong had had his heart broken by someone he loved so much. If she were still alive, he would run to her in an instant. He wished he could have someone understand everything he was going through, but no one was there to hold him.

“...Jaejoong?” Jaejoong thought it was Junsu calling to him, but was fooled as he shifted his gaze to see Yunho beside him. He looked over Jaejoong's naked figure and thought of what happened. “Did you and Junsu...?”

“So what if we did?! You shouldn't care!” Jaejoong spat at his face.

“...You heard me, didn't you?” Jaejoong stuffed his face back into the pillow, trying to suffocate himself. “Jae-”

“Go away.” Jaejoong voice was muffled through the pillow but the message was clear.

Yunho didn't utter another word. He knew nothing could reach Jaejoong right now. It hurt him deeply to turn away from the crying man before him, but left the room to sleep in the living room.

“Everyone... please go away...” Jaejoong whispered to no one. 'Why couldn't the night end happy?! Why couldn't I be happy for a couple hours?! Is it too much to fucking ask?!!' Jaejoong shouted in his head. His head pounded so much found all the alcohol he had drank hours ago. His yelling thoughts were not helping his fluttering in his stomach. Soon the contents of his stomach began to raise up his throat to his mouth. He ran to a trash can in the corner of the room and threw up what felt like everything he had eaten in twenty days.

Next the garbage can was a full length mirror and Jaejoong looked at his weak figure reflecting back at him. Seeing himself like that, only mocked him more as he threw up again into the can. He didn't want to look at the mirror anymore but it was enticingly pulled him in. He was drawn to the weak person reflected back to him. Rage burned inside him and he through the can at the mirror, shattering it to millions of pieces. He breathing kept growing until he couldn't see straight anymore. All he could see was a black dot growing bigger before it engulfed him completely and he fell unconscious.


Jaejoong woke in the evening with heavy eyelids. He found himself lying in Yunho's bed, fully clothed. He looked around the room and saw blood on the floor with bits of shattered glass still lingering on the wood. The frame of the mirror had left the room. The trash can was replaced with a clean bag. He let his eyes close again, as they wanted to so badly. His head was pounding from the moment he opened his eyes. He didn't realize how much he was sweating.

He heard the door to the room open, but he didn't have the strength to open his eyes again. Who ever it was could be on their happy way, Jaejoong didn't care. He just wanted to rest in peace. Suddenly, something very cooled touched his forehead and water drops fell into his hair.

“Please get better Jaejoong...” whispered Yunho as he dabbed Jaejoong's face.

Jaejoong heard more footsteps enter the room.

“He's still unconscious?” asked a voice that belonged to Changmin. “This is all your fault, you know?”

“I know it is.”

“Wow! I didn't think you'd actually agree.” Changmin walked closer to them. “If he doesn't wake up soon, we need to take him to the hospital. It's been two days.”

“We'll take him, if he isn't awake by tomorrow.” Jaejoong felt Yunho's presense closer to him. “Please wake up...” Yunho whispered into Jaejoong's ear. “Please...”

“And what are you going to do when Jaejoong's awake? Just say, “I still don't love you, but I'm glad you're awake!”?”

“I wouldn't say that.” Yunho said still next to Jaejoong's ear.

“Then what will you say?”

“I'll try to explain my feelings towards him. That's the only thing I can do.” Jaejoong wished that he could fall asleep again. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't think that there was a heart left to break inside him, but there surely was.

“And what the hell is supposed to do with your words?” came Yoochun's voice as he entered the room.

“What ever he wants.”

“You jackass.” Yoochun said before he left as quickly as he entered.

“I don't normally agree with Yoochun... but I couldn't agree more. He loves you and you threw it back in face! How you be so cruel as to remind him of everything you said?! Stop taking care of him too! It's only going to confuse Jaejoong! He doesn't need that in his life right now! Answer me Yunho!” Changmin yelled but nothing came from his brother. “Are you that scared to love again that you'll throw Jaejoong away like this?!” Changmin let out a sigh at Yunho's silence and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Yunho continued dabbing Jaejoong's forehead, when a water drop fell onto Jaejoong's face- it didn't belong to the towel. More and more drops fell onto his face. Why was Yunho crying?

“...Please forgive me Jaejoong...” He managed to get out before he sniffed. “...I wish I could love you... I really do...” The towel remained still and Jaejoong knew Yunho was brushing away his tears, as no more drops fell on his face. “...I just... I'm scared... Changmin knows too much for his own good.” He chuckled a little.

“I used to love someone so much, I would die for him in an instant.” Jaejoong replayed that phrase in his head. Had he just said 'him'? “I don't know why I was attracted to a boy, but I was. I wish I had never seen him. He held me so tight at time. I could feel all his love entering me and I gave him all of my heart. One day... he left me a note saying that he never loved me... he could never love another man... he only needed my money... he needed to get everything he could from me... and he got it. It took me and Changmin forever to earn it all back. I could never get my heart back though.”

A tear sank through the cracks of Yunho's fingers and landed on Jaejoong's lips. He could taste the salty contents of his tear as it slowly slipped into his mouth.

“I know you aren't him... but when I look at you... I remember how much I got hurt... I remember that I no longer have a heart to give you...” Jaejoong could feel Yunho's breath on his face as Yunho was over him, just millimeters away from him. He gave Jaejoong a kiss and then rested his head on the towel still attached to Jaejoong's forehead.

He could hear Yunho crying on top of him. They stayed like that for hours before he took the towel away from Jaejoong. “Please... Don't be sick because of me... Please wake up...”

“...I am awake.” Jaejoong whispered to him. His voice was quite hoarse and it hurt a lot to speak. He opened his eyes as he now had the strength to do so.

He looked over at Yunho, he saw his figure outlined by moonlight. He could make out the tear lines engraved onto Yunho's face. Yunho looked as though he didn't hear Jaejoong. He continued wiping his tears away with the towel. “Why must I hear his voice even when I'm not asleep?” Yunho asked to himself.

“...Yunho?”

“Why must he call out for me?”

“Yunho, look at me.” Yunho followed what the voice told him to do and he was met by Jaejoong's weak gaze. Yunho's breathing increased and he embraced Jaejoong tightly.

“Never fall asleep again!” He said after several minutes of holding onto Jaejoong. It didn't seem like he was going to let go any time soon.

“...Yunho... I can't breathe...” Jaejoong choked out. Yunho released him slightly and looked at the smaller man.

“I'm so happy you're awake.” His giant smile turned into a frown. “Jaejoong... I need to tell you something. I know your feelings towards me and-”

“Kiss me.” Jaejoong demanded.

“What? ...Jaejoong I can't do that. I can't give you my love...”

“Kiss me.” Jaejoong repeated.

“I can't.”

“I know you gave up your heart a long time ago...” Yunho was shocked that Jaejoong had heard him. “...but you've taken mine away. As someone who had their heart taken away, you should know how I feel.”

“...Jaejoong, I don't think I can-”

“I love you.” How could three words make such an impact on Yunho? With every second, it was harder to turn Jaejoong away. “Please... you can have all my heart... all my love... I don't need you to give anything back. Having you beside me is enough...”

“Jae-”

“Kiss me.”

Inner demons were fighting inside Yunho the entire time. If he took Jaejoong's lips, he risked everything. He risked getting hurt again. He risked losing out again. Yunho didn't know if he could handle that again. He closed his eyes and thought of everything that could go wrong with them. Every thought was shot out of his mind as he opened his eyes and saw Jaejoong staring back at him with tears in his eyes. A force came over him, he couldn't control anything anymore as-

He kissed Jaejoong.